i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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