I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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