its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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