Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
