she peed on how many people?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
