I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
