the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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