He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
