I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
