I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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