I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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