Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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