I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
