So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
