have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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