he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
