there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
