let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
