How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
