Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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