remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ttyl tear gas
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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