he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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