I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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