what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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