Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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