I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
