Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
