I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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