She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
