Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
