put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
