the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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