Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
