; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
