Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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