All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
