I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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