this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
