you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
