Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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