I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
