Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
