Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
