i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is my gift to your gina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
