I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
