i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
