And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
