Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So squirting runs in the family.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
