I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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