Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
a search helicopter?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
