Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
