Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
